Doubt In Faith

Blankness

2007-11-18T17:47:00.000+03:30

Autumn again...
I look at the new face on the mirror as if I want to solve a great mystery with no clue.Who is she?,I ask myself and then I recognize it's me.A girl named Negin.It's so strange believing how mature and grown up I'm getting to be.I've changed a lot,yet I am the very same person.Nowadays I look more at the sky,try more to fly and leave the society I'm living in and more poetry...It's as if I'm in a merry-go-round and just pass days...I wish I could have told how dearly I missed my lost friend,the lost prophet of mine.I'm just trying to say something ,but it seems as if there is nothing to be said...
Life is like a loaf of bread,
In the house of memories,
On the water of the pond.
Red fish’s share That,
Are always in love…
Believe me

Keikavoos Yakideh

Numb

2007-08-12T14:06:00.001+03:30

Im just tired and thats all.It seems as if my whole existance is abstracted in thissentence."Im tired."
Tired of every thing,every day life,every day feelings,struggles,and ideas.Where can I find the hidden road to salvation?Every day I get up I hear my soul crying till when I shall cry out for a miracle,for a great lasting change in the right way?
I'm lost whithin my self and there is no sign to find the path once I was walking in so light and secure.God,sometimes I just wonder why I was deprived of that immence grace and how I came to such graduatly,hidden,and yet delibrate change. Fallen of grace,I'm searching a light to show me the way.Who am I really.I'm getting completly stranger with myself.How could I fade away so uncontiously in front of my own eyes? I am complaining alot?Do I deserve blaming myself?

Lies in truth

2007-07-29T19:36:00.000+03:30

How dearly I missed writing in my weblog,and how many many thing I have to say.But what can I say coming back after such long time of ignoring my weblog,a place where I used to call it my mental bin,I shall confess I still do! Any way,I'm tired,The wound is opened again and now I just feel so numb,so faithless,and under the pressure of faking someone else,some one happy,some one with purpose and yet I'm not.It's as if what I thought I would be is falling apart right in front of me.Am I safe with myself?
Days are just empty for me,I don't feel alive at all.What I did to myself?Shall I be grieving for the crime?Do I lie?I ask myself to whom I do,and can't find the answer,maybe just to my own self,maybe I'm making a mistake mixing things up.But where is the right way?Where is the salvation.I can't keep going so faithless,useless,and hopeless. There is only poetry left for me to sooth myself,the truth in my lies,makes me see all the things I built is lying in waist.I promised myself immense sky,and then ...It's funny still I don't know what I've done to myself.Now I am surrendering myself with secrets and regrets..I can't bearing anyone else around me.I tell myself I need rest and peace,but it's not the cure to heal the wound.Is there really anything to heal it?Seems as if nothing can,time,crowd,making myself busy,distracting myself with books or movies and even music...it's all useless.I'm telling myself a lie I don't know what it is...Its hard to go on like this.This truth in my lies is out of control,but I cant take it anymore,I need to find out something I don't know what it is.My life is getting more and more an unsolved paradox.

The lands of the shadows..

2007-05-31T01:20:00.000+03:30

"They came,they suffered,they died."

I read it today and I just felt it's true,but i didn't like it...I would prefer it saying:"They came,they lived,they died."And this would be the most complicated,yet simple fact of life,of,living,and dying... As one day we'll all die and be forgotten as a shadow once was wondering desperately on the earth.We forget and be forgotten and life is nothing but a long dream of a reality that does not exist.And death sobers us,makes us understand.
Death..Such strange word it is,such a strange world!What's in life?What shall we look for?What's our purpose?
God!!!!again the cosmic questions have overcame me,and to write it,I just try to get them out my head.But I can't help the fascination how appalling death seems to me.Nights when I put my head on my pillow and start dreaming...I just wish there would not be another day to swallow me in.I need the peace,I need the silence,I need the darkness.

scent of death in spring

2007-04-29T20:51:00.001+03:30

Here I am back again...I don't really know what made me return to the blog I had once aboundened delibratly.And I don't want to explore it,I just hate exploring simple things. Let the light secrets of mind and soul exist.So what a better place than living in small unexplored facts and motivations in life.Any way,,,such a strang,lonesome,and cloudy day it was this evening.It was as if the sky is the reflection of eternal lonliness of human and then I felt afraid.The idea of destruction and instablity of all human achievemnts crossed my mind creuly and I thought"what if human and all it's dlourious acheivements in art,culture and sceince is condemned to decadence.What if one day human being would be extincted?". And the idea made me shiver.I've always smelt a scence of death in spring,never get to know why.What a walking contradiction the human is,he scapes the suffocating isulation of lonliness heading to immortality,and then runs away the chaos of immortality to lonliness.How tired I am.Such an immortal silence has surronded me!It's as if I'm left alone in a strange soceity of people where I know no word to comminucate.My greatest dread is to be swallowed by the everyday life's habbits and be an avarage person.But I've tasted the cost of being diffrent and still I go on my way.Oh solititude,stay with me there's only you.Oh solititude I can't stay away from you.

Seeing by the heart

2007-04-13T14:29:00.000+03:30

Such long long lomg time is since I have abandoned this blog. I had neither mood, nor energy to come and write some thing. A year passed by quickly. Another quiet year left me and spring came again. Again spring filed the naked branches of trees with the green leaves of delight and soon with the ripe fruits of summer joy.
I went on my other spring trip…For me Traveling is moving my body to other places hoping to move and change my soul a little. But could I ever achieve this goal? Honestly no! I had always ignored the fact that a constant change must be internal. As I had always wanted a change and never tried it, maybe I was not that much brave. Changes always happen when they are supposed to happen and I'm getting I can never have any control on them. That's some how so scaring…any way I'm trying to avoid thinking about them again, it's dreadful.

On my spring journey I got to know that beauty is always beauty, no matter it is spring or winter, no matter if it is young or old. Beauty is an ever lasting spell, always enchanting. So once again I repeat with my dear little prince that:" One must see by the heart, not the eye."

Search to peace

2006-12-17T18:27:00.000+03:30

Maybe I am being punished because I don’t have faith any more. Am I deserved being called a disbeliever? Faith and hope were switched together for me, and as soon as I lost hope and passion of life, I lost faith too. I feel all lost, lost within people, faces, friends, family, and even my self. Could I be saved? Could I be brought back salvation? It’s so hard, so cruel, and so unbearable to feel you’re completely stranger to familiar things. It seems I’m all blind to see the light, and even I blame my self doing so. I believe I courage my self being lost in the dark endless land of distress. God, how can I be back? You hear my soul crying for deliverance.
Why don’t you call and save me?

Candle in the wind

2006-12-16T20:50:00.000+03:30

Shall I accept my failure? Shall I confess breaking into my self? Maybe the time has come. I removed people whom I though would be the enemy and after it was all clear I got that the greatest enemy of mine was my own self. I expected some thing which I could not handle; shall I say I was deceived with my dreams? All my life was and endless effort to be like the people whom I admire and now I came to loose my own self. I saw my fall into my self, such bitter and unforgettable moment it was. And now I’m just trying to ignore the simple truth, ignore what I am; nothing! I do not belong any one, any where, and even my own self. And soon I’ll pass away quietly knowing I could not add an impressive verse as I always wished to, I could not suck out the marrow of life. And I came going out like a candle in the wind.

Deliverance

2006-12-03T13:05:00.001+03:30

My heart is all crying for a leader, the survivor to save the world. Maybe then I can gain the peace at least out side my self. My heart cries madly for deliverance. Darkness has overcome me; I am banished to the lands of shadows. It seems as if I’m deprived of light. Dear Lord, if being hopeless and distress is a sin I am a great sinner. All day wondering why it happened to me? How could I loose the salvation track, how could I be lost?
And now I’ve come to my dead end. I feel as if I’m still only on the half way my punishment? How could it happen to me and all I used to be? How could all my colorful dreams and golden hopes be destroyed on the flames of distress? What was my sin? Where did I make the mistake? Where’s the way back to be forgiven by you? Don’t let me down; I need a miracle, a lightening in this dark dark night.

ٌٌMy little prince,where are you?

2006-11-06T23:15:00.000+03:30

Where are the bright stars in the immense night sky?Where is the little prince who told me to look up into the sky at nights to hear his laugh?
"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night... you-- only you-- will have stars that can laugh!

My little prince,where are you now?I feel as if I'm lost and alone again in the desert.No well to drink the cold pure water of,no belly to sing the song to me.I can't hold on more to memories. Who did stole my five hundred million little bells,you promised me?How is the flower you are responsible for?
My little prince I miss you,miss you so much.I can't see your star.The mechanical fresh lights of the cruel city has frightened it away.How lonely do I feel now...my little prince come back,TheAfrican desert has swallowed me in.Don't let me be lost more...please come back.

Going back to wonderland

2006-10-29T23:30:00.000+03:30

How far I am from my childhood!It seems thousands of years have separated us.Where's the way back returning to that little pessimist romantic girl I used to be?It seemed I could see the world behind a colorful rainbow,and hear the sounds within the soft lovely song of the singing rivers.Head on the clouds,I was walking on the earth with a heart full of joy and softness.Delight brightenig my face,I was listening to the music of the earth.I Could never be sure that sun will rise more than that,as the warm smiles on my face could melt winter icicle.Tale as oldest songs,I was living within a sweet bitter dream. I know I stole my childhood,but heavens how grateful to finally know the gap hurt me during all these years.I was not born to be a realist.I came to whisper ancient colorful rhymes of a sweet life.I shall go back to the world I belong.Just a little more experienced and more appreciated to the home I am kindly given.I shall go back to my wonderland,Little Negin,wait for me,I'm coming.

my God,my tourniquet

2006-10-29T00:59:00.000+03:30

What happened to all my prayers?My God, my tourniquet return to me salvation.Some times I shall ask my self how these abstract ideas took place on my mind?Am I deceived by dreams which never come true?God I know I'm not forgotten,I know you care for me,and I feel the safe feeling of being protected and watched by you,but I don't know how to get rid of this confusion.Confusion I myself don't know is about what!How the salvation tastes?What's another birth to be born again?Maybe I shall reconstruct my perspective of life.How my prayers will be answered?How can my deep fears be taken away?My God, my tourniquet return to me salvation.

Raing evening

2006-10-15T17:46:00.000+03:30

َThis rainy day of autumn is so beautiful.It tells me my beloved season has come,and the winter is approaching in shadows.The cloudy sky looks immensely azure and the smell and innocence of an autumn evening is so fascinating.How can it be described by humble words?All day the rain was whispering the sweetest songs in the allies.The window is open and I'm intoxicated by the perfume of the golden wet leaves turned into yellow and brown while the wind takes hold of them and dance about.It seems all the ugliness of the world is getting to be hidden,autumn and winter can just bring back the pure untold beauties.

Enough is enough

2006-09-26T21:23:00.000+03:30

Here I am,passing the days.Some times I feel such a sad unbroken silence around my self that I can't say or do any thing to shatter it.I just sit still and listen to it. I'm still the very same person I was once,yet changed so much.And finally I can say I'm satisfied by my life.It's really strange for me considering all the long time I was nagging.But I can't ignore the facts,I'm free enough,being distress is enough.Let me celebrate the new season,and the new way of living I've started. Let me celebrate the peace I'm given.I think the time has come to say I am light footed again.That unpleasent experience is enough for me,autemn's come and beauty is every where.This pure beauty is enough to live a good life and enough is enough.

New autemn

2006-09-22T21:51:00.000+03:30

The last summer sunset passed queitly.My 21th summer passed by.How many changes happened to me?What new things I learnt?And How will I remember these past days?The past will never be present again.
Finaly autumn came and it's sweet cool perfume is all over my room.My beloved season has come.NowI can see the wonderful colorful trees,shining in the sun.I can taste the great joy of hearing rustling fired leaves,and the echoes of crows on the emptiness of a cloudy day.All are coming back .The midnights when the rain fingers knock on windows,thunders cries,all navy blue sky....All are settling down are here with me.What will this new season bring for me?I shall wait and see.
Now wellcome my splendiferous autemn.

A new chapter in nature

2006-09-11T21:30:00.000+03:30

Days are passing,no motion in moving,no tranquility in stillness.yet the sunset reminds the golden taste of autemn.A new chapter in the book of seasons is going to begin.A new stage in nature will be born.Summer is leaving and the joy of wellcoming my beloved season spells some life on my nature.
Many changes happened to me,I've touched many new concepts,ideas,smiles,tears,poems,and feelings.And I feel I'm getting a new person each day.If it is good or bad I don't know.
The only thing which is clear to me is that I'm passing a transit stage on my life.The best thing which I love about my life is that my momments are being filled more with poems.I have to set a journey to explore my self,that's what I'm telling my self for a very long time.I think I have already begun
Let me recite a lovely one,by Sohrab Sepehri:
The Foot Steps Of Water
Life's a pleasant tradition.
Life's wing is as vast as death.
Life's a jump the size of love.
Life's not something,
we put on the mantel of habit
and forget.
Paintings by: Sohrab Sepehri

It does not matter where I am.
The sky is always mine.
Windows, ideas, air, love,
earth, all mine.
Why does it matter if sometimes,
the mushrooms of nostalgia grow?

Let's take off our clothes.
Water is just a foot away.
Let's have a basket and
fill it up with all the greens
and all the reds.

We are not to comprehend;
the secret of roses, but maybe
swimming in the incantation of roses.
Or may be looking for
the song of truth
between the morning glory,
and the century.

searching for the plain truth

2006-08-26T22:11:00.000+03:30

It's a long time I had abundant my blog.I did not wanted to say any thing,as I did not want to think about any thing,but I can't help it.Every morning I get up and ask who I really am.Yet, I have no answer for this stubborn question.I know no way to scape,I have to face. Have I lost my self,or I am lost within my self.How can it be recognized and which one is worst?
It's a question every one has to face it in life.And I just wonder how long will it take to come out of darkness and find the truth?
How can we reach the plain truth of our life,our existence,and our world.

Night sky

2006-08-12T21:54:00.000+03:30

Another day passed.The same sun was shining,The same sky was looking at me,and nothing had changed.But is life still?Is universe dull?No,there's so much life there,so many miracles happen,so many love be given,and light to be shared.So again shall I still neglect the dark place I am prisoned?No,I can't,as it is totally impossible for me who love light,admire luminicity,adore growth,then how could I make myself so still and blind?It was the unforgiving miskate of my life.
Tonight the sky will be full of shooting stars,100 per hour.The night sky is celebrating bright wonderful magical moments.Yet I shall still regret.I just wish I could taste life.I just wish I could look at the blue immense sky till my last moments of life come.

Am I too lost to be saved?

2006-08-08T22:16:00.000+03:30

What's wrong with me?Why Can't I stay happy at least for a day?Why am I so hopeless?Well,maybe because there's nothing to hope for.Heavens!Am I too lost to be saved?
Each night I look at the sky through the window,the silent dark night sky of Tehran's.No bright star,no shining moon.It seems as if the sky is some kind of larger graveyard.How can such imagination be with me?How can the endless land of dreams and inspiration be considered as a graveyard?I'm getting sick No more pretence,I've had enough.
The end has touched me,the bright day of my life is on the last moments of the down.my sunset has come.

Hating myself

2006-08-01T22:01:00.000+03:30

It's time to write again.I've had enough tolerance to keep silence,but now I just want to start writing the disheveled writting which comes from my heart.I am sad now,so sad and gloomy,but it does not sooth me saying it at all want to say more,express more,but the humble words are so poor to convey my feelings.The feelings which were kept pure,I dare to say so,because I used to control them so severely,I feel I've done some thing to my self,which will never be approved,some thing which can never be forgiven.I know what I did to my self.I prisoned,banished,and tortured my self by such unbroken loneliness which I kept doing it concisely,I did meant it,but I was wrong.Yet the only power which still approves it stupidly is my pride.Some times I can't help hating myself. All day and night I read,read and read.A chance to change will never be given.And the one who stands against my self.I know,I know I am the great enemy of myself. I just hate myself.

The wipping willow

2006-07-25T22:48:00.000+03:30

" Beside the singing river,
There's a whipping willow sitting silently.
It's branches are old and tired.
The dancing eternal memories glowing dimly As forgotten flash lights on his mind:
The dreaming moonlight on his young branches,
The soothing melody of the footsteps of water, Beside his firm warrant roots.
A smile blossom,A love birth under his leaves ceiling.
The splendour song of life in his veils.
And now.....
The fatal coldness of the axe landing on his body."

World of incongruity.

2006-07-22T20:48:00.000+03:30

I just wish I could scream.I Can't help feeling it.I'm so gloomy,so much.I feel as if I've lost something very valuable,yet I don't know what it.Whether it is real or a faked unpleasant feeling?I wish I could go,to any where,but do not stay here any more.My time is over.I'm not suitable for this world,this society,and this people.The time to which I belong is gone and my efforts to go back there is useless.It's so hard to feel as if I am out of my real place,as it really is.How tired I am.It's a very cruel world cruel.I touch this bitter fact with any breath I take.
I don't want to be here,in any case,any price.I just wanna leave.This is more than my tolerance,I'm tired,yet so restless.This time is hurting me,I don't belong it.I don't belong to such world,the world of lies,betrayes,and hypocrisy.World of incongruity.

The ultimate hope

2006-07-19T23:46:00.000+03:30

I hardly find any thing to say.It seems as if I am helplessly speechless again.
I hate summer,I do hate it.Here seems the sun is intended to burn every living creature,and the sky is so stingy to rain.
I miss autumn,I miss the lonely allies where the leaves rustling echoes sweetly.The crows song,the cloudy sky,and the leaves which seem as if they are painted by a magical brush.Oh! good God,what a perfect vision and how early I miss it.
I just hope to see another colorful,magical autumn.That's the ultimate hope I've still kept.

Changed people

2006-07-14T21:22:00.000+03:30

I don't know what's wrong with the people.How changed they are!It seems they know nothing,respect nothing,value nothing just go on living by hate.I am sick by them.It seems others happiness hurt them,the light makes them blind,and darkness soothes them.I don't know what happened.
I can't stay beside them,I don't want to.The purity is gone,just a forgotten word. No one beleves in beauty,kindness,and love.
Love is becoming a business.just for sell,just for trade.And when it fades they take it away.I don't know what they want of life,just living and living.Heavens!All the sweet things are stolen and no one would go and seek for them.

Useless journey

2006-07-12T22:32:00.000+03:30

I was on a journey,hoping I could find the peace I was looking.There, for far from the noises of the city,where the rivers,springs,trees,and birds were singing happily,I was seeking for the light.Yet, I found nothing.Maybe I am convicted for the great expectations once I dreamt.Maybe I am sentenced being such distressed.Maybe it is my fate to be alone.I was wrong,reading different concepts did not help me at all,just leading to lose my way.
I see how this crazy world is getting worst day by day.I see how bad people are.I see there is no respect for the humanity any more.Every one is just thinking to himself and no other one."HELP" is a faked word to betray others,and the hearts are converting to stones.Heavens how tired I am.So tired,but I can't rest.For what reason am I being so severely punished?
I found no miracle.Maybe it would happen only once.By the way there is no reason to be hopeful again.All the hopes I had once are dead now.

Missed autumn

2006-07-07T23:23:00.000+03:30

It's been a long time since I have not updated my blog.I shall admit that I did not miss it,even I did not feel any nessecity.But now I feel I am more maturedYes I am really.Now I just know that I want one thing.I shall find the peace within myself,so that I could be balanced with the world.
Well that's all my life,I don't know if I am really satisfied with the way I choosed?I don't know.
I miss for autumn.I miss it's long grey afternoons,when wind plays with the golden wandering leaves.I miss for the rain singing in lonley allyes,and the silent sunsets long it seems since they've left me.I miss for the cloudy sky...Weare identical,both alone,as no one can touch them,no one can get them and approach them.We are the same.
I miss autumn,the multicolored of the colors.

Lonliness

2006-06-27T23:36:00.000+03:30

Only poetry can sooth me these days.Even music has lost it's power over me,but I can't deny it still.Day after day I get to touch this fact that how isolated I am.I don't care it that much.Even I am happy by that more I fell this deep loneliness,the more I want to keep it.Why loneliness is so undesirable?It's very hard I perfectly know,but...Some times I just can't help feeling it's good!I don't know why.By the way I am used to it,and I will keep it till I get some one who worths abandoning it.Maybe some think me crazy,but I prefer this madness than all intellectualities.

my life....

2006-06-25T20:39:00.000+03:30

My nights were as bright as my days,
But...
I don't know what happened.
How Darkness overcame,
Even on my days.

Forgotten missed feeling

2006-06-24T22:23:00.000+03:30

I can't describe how sad I am now.It seems as if all the clouds of the world are crying within me.I missed for something which I don't remember what it is.I forgot it,and removed it from my heart and now I miss it.Nothing would break my isolation,days are just passing and I'm just watching it go.I have no hope,and enough stubborn to prefer isolation rather staying with those who don't understand me.What's the share of me in life?I'm a shadow,a faked imitation of a living creature.Who am I really?What am I doing here?I wish these questions could be answered.I'm all confused and hopeless.
What is this forgotten missed feeling?

Where has my heart gone?

2006-06-23T21:37:00.000+03:30

Where has my heart gone?Once I wanted to know many things,to live deeply and differently.I prisoned my self in an endless isolation.I did not care any one,I did not trust any one,just what I wanted to be,and now...now that I feel I got what I wanted,this loneliness hurts me more than ever.I did stole my heart and put ice instead of it.How regretful I am now.I lost the peace within me,and day after day,I am more distressed.Where's the way back to life?Where's the way back to hope?Where's the way back to light.I feel I've lost the way as soon as I lost my heart.
I made all that delighting childhood innocence remove from me,to be matured in analyzing and getting to know this world.It was the big mistake of my life was wrong,I was mistaken,but I got it,when it was so late,so late.

Nothing

2006-06-17T01:43:00.000+03:30

Well,the time has come for me to confess my intention to stay such hopeless.There is no thing for me in this world.I have no hope,no love,and no motivation.What am I living for?No thing!Maybe I am good at listening to people,helping them,and doing my best to make them feel better,but what have I done to help my own self?The answer is just as before,Nothing.
I don't know WHY I shall continue living in this way.I hate my life.There is no thing for me.Sometimes I just feel as a ghost.What a difference does it makes if I do not stay in this world.I don't think it would be that much unimaginable.People just say they love me,but I don't think they do really.Every one is just thinking to him self,how long shall I still be here,while there is NOTHING for me to go on with.
I'm hopeless,but no one will beleive.
My life is just an empty land.

summer sunsets

2006-06-14T00:28:00.000+03:30

Summer nights breeze is very strange.After a hot day,when the evening falls,and the day light fades,I feel there's a strang thing on the air.It's as if a voice is calling me,asking what I did all day long.It seems there's some untold magic on those moments.How can I describe it?How can the joy of seeing swallows flying freely in the immense sky be convayed by the words?
I wish I were them,then I would leave all the burdens on the earth.I wish I could,what a fascinating wish it is.Summer sunsets awake all these feelings in me.

Where's the way back?

2006-06-10T23:28:00.000+03:30

I am alive,still breathing,and looking for a reason to fight.The more I think,the less I can say my days are the same,or my feelings have very subtle,but undesired ones.Today I was thinking what if I go on with out any motivation.Is it really possible?
I have seen all hopes faded,all dreams converted to nightmares,and all lies hidden within kind faces of people.There is nothing I can trust,but God.But some times I can't help stop feeling that I'm losing His path,and what will happen then?
I'm lost in despair and confusion.Where is the way back to that peaceful lands of childhood innocence?
Why I left there?Some times I really regret my desire of exploring this world,and my long useless request of searching for the truth.The world of philosophy gave me nothing but confusion and uneasiness.

Faded youth

2006-06-09T22:02:00.000+03:30

I don't know what else I can say.Nothing is changed within me,the same days,night,and nightmares.The only change is that I'm getting more unmotivated and sad day by day.There is no way back,and going on this sorrowful days is so painful.No one is close to me,all even the most nearest ones are so distant.No one gets what I say,what I respect and value,what I'm looking for.
That's the greatest shock to see that in the middle of such crowd,no one understands you and those rare ones who can,are so so far.How painful is feeling lonly within people.How hard it is to smile,when you are crying inside.The mask I'm wearing hurts me.
I have no motivation to go on,nothing to fight,and no light to search for.These are the most painful days one can ever have.All I feel is the pity of my faded youth.

Days passing.

2006-06-05T23:40:00.000+03:30

Good or bad,days are just passing.Happy or unhappy I'm just getting by.What else can I do?I try new things,but not new people,I go out new places,but still so isolated.I keep this unbroken isolation.Some times I feel so happy when I see how time flys.There are rare things to make me feel alive."Life is not measured the by number of breaths we take, but by moments that take our breath away".
So am I living now?What is the wisdom every one applies me?What does it mean to me?And how is the real wise man?The time of asking such questions is over.No one cares any more and it never makes sense that once upon a time,there were people who lived faithful and sincere.Who were sucking out all the marrow of life,those who were the children of nature and universe and their values and belifes were the real meaning of life.
It's all forgotten now,and also the people who still believe in them are being forgotten too.I will keep believing the things,though no onewould.
It's raining now.I can hear the tunders.I wish it would refresh my heart and soal too.

Faded truth

2006-06-03T21:19:00.000+03:30

"Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life."
It was the quotation I came across with it today.I found the meaning so fascinating,but what about me in this case?As I've lost all my motivations,seen all my dreams fading,and all stars falling.I have seen how life can be cruel,and how truth may be converted to great lies.Everything is possible in such world,the beauty and the beast may live together.The shadows have overcomed lights.How can such world be imagined as a fair place while we FIGHT to get PEACE?The values are changed without any care by the rest of the world.Virtue is getting to sound reticules,the purity is old_fashioned.The promised utopia never exists.
How can humen stay here?What's the shape of us?

2006-05-30T23:41:00.000+03:30

2006-05-30T23:38:00.000+03:30

wasted life

2006-05-29T21:26:00.000+03:30

Days and nights are all spent waiting for a light of happiness and get nothing seems all the joy and delight has left me,and will never be back miss it so much,but can not do any thing are the sweet moments I passed?The nostalgia will be with me all of my life now after such loss,I feel as if it would never be gained again. I'm tired of these people around me,those who never understand me,my feelings,and thoughts wish it could all be removed from me spring day memory is gone,but the shadow is still with me,the shadow which always compare things with it and feel extremely unsatisfied help me,I can't stand living like this. The nightmare is my progressing discuss of life.I feel I wasted all my life.

confusion

2006-05-27T00:34:00.000+03:30

Days are just passing.I often listen to music to suppress my thoughts.Days passing,hoping for a miracle,but I'm not just waiting a miracle happen to me,but me happen as a miracle in others life.Is it possible?And how can a person like me,most sad and gloomy help other people?How can I add new things and contribute new meanings to this wonderful universe?
There is an untold pain in my chaste. I can't remove it.It's just as if it's been there for years and never wants to leave it's home land.I don't know what to say and all these long days of my silence I was struggling with depression,nostalgia,and impatience.I know I can't go on like this,being a half alive person pretending a happy hilarious one.I'm so weary of such an old ling show.
What is life in my eyes?An endless confusion,intolerable cruelty and a dream full of nightmares.How can there be any hope,in such society?
Maybe I am so ungrateful of the affluences I am given.I don't wanna be,but I don't know why I feel like this?!Confusion,confusion,confusion,I will never get rid of this fatal confusion.

The bad news

2006-05-13T21:56:00.000+03:30

It's almost a week since I have not written any thing here.Maybe it is getting so common saying it was because of my irritability.I don't know maybe it is,but why shall all these things happen?My aunt is ill,it's suspicious to be cancer.Heavens how can I stand such thing while there has always been 2 beloved people in my whole life.My two aunts who has always light up my nature and sprit. And now one is really ill.How can I bear it?How can I tolerate her ill and I healthy?It's all wrong.God,how hard and cruel this world seems.
I had a nice day at book fair,where I bought many books,got them as my very close friends and then when I interred home,happily after a long time,I received such news.
It's so hard,so hard .How can I go on like this?

The end

2006-05-06T21:45:00.000+03:30

What a diference did I make in the world?What new things did I contribute?I feel I've done nothing,and that's why I feel so sad.Heavens how gloomy I feel.The very valuable things seem cheap for me.The shining spring out doors makes me more uneasy.It's just I am a complete stranger to the season and it's marvelous days.There is nothing for me.All the passion of life has left me,all the joys are gone,and I am here alone,and intended to be,standing and waching the cruel world passing till my end.End,such nice and sweet word is getting for me.The end of every thing,end of life,end of thoughts,end of this sorrowful unendless moments.There is nothing behind and before.I can't stand all these lies,I can't stand such betrayes,I can't stand such people.I just want to leave them,but why is it so hard for them to understand?

My nights

2006-05-03T21:28:00.001+03:30

My nights are getting worse and worse.Their unbroken silence makes me mad,and the restless thoughts on my mind never stop.I'm so worried about my university situation.I have not attended my classes and I've been omitted of them.This is not what I'm allowed to do and I'm getting so worried about it,but this is not what harms me.Day after day I get more tired,and gloomy.It seems that every thing has lost its value for me.I'm losing every thing,and don't care.How hard are these days for me,when I just have to breath,but without any joy or delight of being alive.Maybe I'm acting ungratefully,if so I can't help it.There is nothing in my life worth's fighting for.This great wonderful world seems empty for me.That's not what I can stand.

Cruel spring days

2006-05-01T22:23:00.000+03:30

It's been a long time I have not written any thing here.These boring long days brought nothing for me.All the days long,I was wondering why I was born or why I'm still here.What happiness and brightness haveI donated,but found nothing.There was no satisfying answer.This great wonderful world,these pleasant spring days has no pleasure for me,but always remind me my grand mama died in one of them.Cruel days.How can they be in such way?
I feel ashamed of my self too.I'm forgetting her loss,I'm ignoring her absence.Can it be possible?Still I don't want to think about her death.If I go on thinking about it,I will go mad.How can I get used to such thing?

Innocence of a lonly girl

2006-04-28T23:55:00.000+03:30

Despaired again?

2006-04-24T23:51:00.000+03:30

Again I feel bored.Heavens how can one be such changeable?Again I feel nothing.It seems that all the feelings in me is sucked out.What is the use of writing such stuff or passing this endless days?
Summer has come with spring.The hot is burning everyone out doors,and indoors there is nothing.The breeze enters softly through open window,and night is singing silently every where.The silence,and sleeping sense of this midnight is some how very sad.It seems as if the night is whispering another boring useless tomorrow.Nothing is here to fight for,nothing.
Am I despaired again?How long shall I still coninue such long way?

My nature

2006-04-23T22:24:00.000+03:30

Maybe I shall believe that despair and sadness in my nature.Yes,I know that when I laugh I forget all the sad feelings I have.Helping others,making them laugh and forget their problems,makes me happy and feel alive again.All these days I got more about my nature.Now I know it is warm,lively,and stubborn,I know I am determined,and have a strong mind.Nature never lets me stay sad for a long time.I know I'm not created for failure,I know it now,but heavens how hard it is to believe some times.I shall keep in mind that life goes on,and I shall accept the way it is.

Nothing worths fighting for

2006-04-21T23:04:00.000+03:30

What is the worth of staying alive?What worth's fighting for?Nothing,really nothing.The world is more cruel than I thought.Maybe I shall be like other people,act the very same as them.Lie,decieve,and hate each other.I wish I could,I wish I could lie,I wish I could put aside this stupid soft heartness and could change my nature.Why does it seem so impossible?Why do I still insist being like that?
This cunning world has nothing,but pain and harm.Whatis the use of such long life?21 years,I can't find any... .I'd better stop saying such things.Even these words and sentences are useless.Now I know it,there is nothing worth fighting for.

How can I ignore?

2006-04-19T23:13:00.000+03:30

I feel so sad and gloomy again that I feel all the clouds of the world are crying within me.How many different things may happen and to what strange results they may be led to.Day are just the very same as each other,nights boring and cruel.How weary I feel.It seems the happiness is sucked out of me.Why do I feel so again?
I don't know what to say again.All the endless proud lines of words are ended,and I'm left alone by the passionate desire of writting.Heavens help me,how hard is these days for me.I feel I've been acting so selfishly,I can hardly stand here,this society,these people.And worst than all,tolerating such sorrow and pain is being impossible.This heavy burden on my shoulders is getting more and more see no reason to continue,no light in life,no happiness in smiles ugly face of the lies hurt me.How can I ignore them?

Rest

2006-04-19T02:09:00.000+03:30

On his blindness

2006-04-17T22:04:00.000+03:30

After those days feeling not that much bad,I came back to the dark and gloomy mood again.In such moments I can hardly stand those who really disturb me.Heavens, how hard is such task.It is when I ask if there is still hope.I feel as if I am lost in a stormy night at sea.Where is the pharos?Now I'm asking my self how muchI have been helpful?How harmful?I wish I could find a light in my heart to bright up this endless darkness.Shadows have filled my days,I need faith,Lord don't leave me helpless.
"When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless,though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker,and present
My true account,lest he returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labor,light denied"?
I fondly ask Patience,to prevent
That murmur,soon replies,"God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts best
Bear his mild yoke,they serve him best state
Is kindly:thousand at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait"
John Milton

The dream we are dreaming

2006-04-16T20:28:00.000+03:30

Life,the dream we are dreaming,with crying and laughing is going on.Never stops by sorrows and pain,never is interrupted by immense happiness and great delight.That's us who have to adapt ourselves with its way.How hard it seems sometimes.The very dark moments that one may feel all lights in the world are put off and night will remain forever.That the universe would be lost in darkness and how hard is then to belive hope.
I know life never gives us enough opportunity to follow what we want.Our choices in life which may happen will lead us to very different ways. That's why I feel life is very strange and complicated.How easily it can be influenced,and I chosed the way which is rather abandoned and I am going on. "I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere agesand ages hence:
Two roads diverged a wood,and I...
I took the one less traveled by
, And that has made all the differences.
"Robert Frost"

"Go on,go on"

2006-04-14T20:22:00.000+03:30

Who really knows what is laid before us?Finally I decided to fight for things are not worthy to fight .Now it seems that my fingers are tired and my mind is as empty as a white page. All the endless words are ran out,and all the conversations seems to be ended.I bored again,and these long sunny days bring me nothing,but fatigue and irritability.Out doors spring visits it's graceful kingdom and in door I feel as if I will be burried between the walls.By the way I love my room,even if it makes me sad and gloomy.
I wish the sky would be more generous,I wish it could rain,and wash away all dust of earth.I wish the river had not left the city,and the bird's songs were happier.
But the world will never be as it used to be.My grandmam's funeral,on a fair spring day,while every thing was happy by freshness given to the sleepy old world will never leave me.All the weeks passing it,has not made me recover of the shock and fear of her absence.I shall go on,but every and each step makes me untold pain.Every one tells me to be strong,and I know my power is being challenged."Go on,Go on",they tell me and never think of how painful is hearing such thing when one's heart is filled with sorrow.

Maybe I have to fight

2006-04-13T00:42:00.000+03:30

Maybe I'm surrendering.I find nothing worthy enough to fight for.There are few things still I have not lost my intrest with.Maybe it's time for me now to challenge this situation and I think I will.I will fight to find some thing worthy enogh to fight.I will stand up again,and continue my way.Yes I will.It's very enough to sit and cry for one who is gone now.She left here,while I am still.So a new day of trying will come again.It is time to come back to the light.Let the rain comes down and wash away my tears.Let it sooth my soal,let it brings me a bright sun of hope.I shall remove such sorrow,yes there is always a tomorrow for me till I am alive.I know I will feel sad and unhappy again,I will be dispaired and discoureged,but I shall not fear.How hard is making yourself being hopeful.

Just want to leave

2006-04-11T21:35:00.000+03:30

How sad and gloomy I feel again.It seems that nothing can sooth me,or the darkness has overcomed the light of hope inside of me.How sad one can feel,I never knew the strength of such feelings.The pain of my grandma's loose is killing me.I must not believe her death,otherwise I will go mad.I need such lie,but how long shall I go on like that that all my interests have died out by her.That my life is getting darker and gloomy.I just want to leave here,but the tragedy is that feeling so makes me more dependent.How life seems cruel to me.How alone I am standing now.By the way this is the way I choosed.wants,I don't care it any more.God,how could such thing happen?How could my grandmam leave me?Even the very familiar things have changed for me.I want to leave.

Children

2006-04-10T22:55:00.000+03:30

Another day just left so soon.Those slow seconds that seemed will last forever has gone now.That's the roll of this world,nothing will last forever.Yes I know it perfectly,I have touched it with all my senses.Each day is full of happiness and sorrows,each day is full of birthdays and funerals.Yes that's how life goes on.
This fantastic universe is full of mysteries,and beside beauties,there are wickedness.I feel I am in a better mood today.That's because I passed some of it by children,as inoccent as angels.And hearing the sweet sound of their laughing,I could not help feeling that there is hope still.I know very well that sometimes it is rather impossible to belive it.
When I see a child laughing,I remind that God is there with us,and that there is light and delight in life.Children are gifts by god.
But what happens that by growing a child will loose all the purity of soal and join others in being bad?

People

2006-04-09T23:50:00.000+03:30

I don't know what to say again.It seems that all the feelings in me getting more and more to confuse me.I just scape thinking about my grand mam.All the days I think about many things,but avoide this one.Crying,running,weeping can not sooth me anymore.Nothing can sooths me,here I am alone with my pains and sadness.
People's behaviour and their faults harms me more.I don't want to approach them,I don't want to touch their world,and all I want is to leave them and their world and set up to some where there would be no lie,no treat,no sign of such people.How strong is this passion,on me?How passionatly I feel to this temptation.I really wish I could leave here,and as a freind told me,if I could stop to stop living,I would do it without any moment of hesitation.What is the use of being here?Live in such cruel world,among such people,live an everyday life,as the days are just the same.Nothing even the spring would renew them.What values do they respect in life?I can't think of any REAL one.

Loosing by winning

2006-04-09T00:06:00.001+03:30

Today as I was thinking about Nietzsche and his philosophy.Today I was really thinking he was right,and I could not pass being a Superman.But then,I saw the trees were so calm and happy when they felt sun on their faces,the birds who were singing their best songs were lightening every one's heart by delight.The world was sleepy by the warm afternoon sun,and every quiet thing was enjoying all the freshness the world has regained.Then I thought how could all these pure beauties be useless?How could they be created meaningless?It does really seems impossible and vicious.I know perfectly that some times this world acts so cruelly that one might hate and try to show it as rubbish,but it has it's own happiness and sadness.Every thing may happen,and all we shall do is to be strong,but how?
As people are so bad and liar?As they are all thinking about their own selves and this great universe is nothing for them,but a place to live as worst as they can,do as they want.There would be no respect,no value,no truth.Always I wonder how they can go on like that?These people are very strange to meand how hurt I am by them.
It seems as if I've lost all my interests and hobbies I had before.It seems that there would be nothing making me really laugh,nothing really lights up my heart with joy and happiness.There is nothing for me to fight for,to continue with,to stand beside.I lost when I won.

Lonliness

2006-04-07T22:44:00.000+03:30

Let me stop

2006-04-07T21:30:00.000+03:30

I find no word,my feelings too wild and powerful.It seems that nothing would go as it was before.How can i belive she's gone?How could I left her?I see life goes on,I see death is part of a life,but I always thought it as an abstract idea,I had never never belived how... .I find nothing to say,these feelings can't be expressed.
I wish i could go,to leave,and start a new journey.People are the same,the dear ones you love are always far from you.Why this world is so cruel to us?There is nothing on my mind,let me stop then.I wish I could stop everything.

My grand mam's death.

2006-04-06T01:00:00.000+03:30

A spring day,trees were wearing blossom of cheries,the sky,blue and cloudy was fascinating,the cool breeze was wondering around happily,and in such perfect day,my grand mama died.I can't belive it,I can't,I can't.Each and every moment I expect her appear at the door of my room,smiling.Still I feel she is downstairs,still I feel she's alive,so how could I leave her at the graveyard alone and cold?Is she really dead?
I've lived with her since I was 8 years olds,and all these 13 years are full of days being with her.When I go to bed,I hear her calling me and cry at myself she can't be dead.Is it a part of a nightmare?Is it a bad dream?What is it?How can such sorrow and grief be felt?I don't know what to say,when I remind her lonely grave.She saved my life,she made what I am now,and changed my life.I stand alone again,no one is with me,but dear God.My Lord help her.She left usin such beautiful fresh spring day,when the birds where singing happily and I was crying bitterly.
I always used to think about death as an abstract meaning,but today I saw it with my eyes.God,please stay with me,stay with me,I'm scared.I feel so lonely and cold that none of the warmest fires can bring me out of the kingdom of coldness.My grand mam is dead,I feel one of the bases in me has fallen,and all me is collapsing.
Something so kind and so warm has left me.Spring days will always remind me the day I lost her,the day she left me,the day life showed off it's other side by my grand mam's death.

What has gone?

2006-04-04T20:49:00.000+03:30

It seems that all the senses of happiness is sucked out of me.Darkness will kill me,Heavens how hard and suffering is standing such situation!It seems the end for me,as all the doors are closed to me,but the end of what?Nothing has changed in my life,every day things are the very similar as were before,unless me reading some new books,and being exposed some new panoramic this change so big I shall call it a change which makes me feel so sad?Of course not,so what is it?I don't know evil unknown feelings crawls slowly towards me.Snears at all my efforts,all my studies,and destroys all the valuable things I felt so respect for before just don't know how far I can go on like this.Always always I wonder what is lost for me that all my hopes and wishes are gone with it.

Lomliness of the moon

2006-04-03T20:55:00.000+03:30

Lost in distress

2006-04-03T20:31:00.000+03:30

Clouds in the sky,how sad I feel.How gloomy things seem to me.It seems that everything is covered by a layer of darkness,all the sweet and near things to me have left me alone.How can such grife and sadness be expressed?I don't know what shall I do,how can it be removed?
Tomorrow is the same as now,and yesterday.I shall break it,I shall change it.I don't know what to do,as I have lost all my sense of right and wrong,every things seems a great mistake to me,all smiles are to hide the bitter tears.Happiness is becoming a lie to hide sadness,every thing is just a pretext just to continue living.Nothing is real,nothing is pure,nothing is holy.I'm loosing faith,which will leaves me to death.Heavens I can't stand here,I can't stand what I am,what others are,all the lies,and treacheries.This crazy world just goes round and round,I see nothing to fight for,there is nothing for me to continue living.How could this depression grow up in me?Why an ordinary life can not satisfy me?Why I feel so despaired,while there is no serious problem on my every day life?I am gifted any thing can make another girl feel happy,but why not me?
Miracle,God,please do something I stop forgetting this word,don't let me believe truth is a lie.I am lost in the lands of distress.

My debt

2006-04-01T23:40:00.000+03:30

I don't know is it good or bad,but I can't stand owing someone.I can't bear it and Want to recompense it,and now that a friend I feel such great debt is so sad and needs help,how can I stand doing nothing?When the spring days bright outside,I wish people,specially my friends enjoy it as their hearts are filled with happiness and lit up by joy.My freinds,those who has added new meanings,exposed me with new ideas,horizons and lands.God helps me recompense such immense debt,otherwise I will be mad.I can't stand being owed to anyone my best friend.

The world inside a wave

2006-03-31T21:13:00.000+03:30

My dreaming island

2006-03-31T21:11:00.000+03:30

Great expectation

2006-03-31T20:44:00.000+03:30

Spring,the royal feast of worlds' beauties,The queen of the year,the fine princess of the seasons,but how can I enjoy it while my dearest ones are sad?How can i when I see they're disappointed?Or how can I help them?The most suffering thing for me is my incapablity to help them.I wish I could bring them light and hope in life,brighten their days with happiness and freshness,I wish I could help them see spring.By the way this is my nature,good or bad I can't change and I wont.
Life,what a confusing word.If it is such valuable,why is it vested such widely?If it is so great,why seem so boring?If such amazing,why so gloomy?If so wonderful,why sorrowful?What life really is?How can we get to know it?How can we appreciate the sweet moments given to us?
Each day is adding more questions on my mind,without helping find an answer.The worst thing is the feeling I am loosing my words and not knowing what to do.What is the best way to live a life,without any hurt?Sometimes I wish I were left in a quiet island alone with trouble,anger,and evil memories removed from me.Great expectations,ye I know it is impossible,but this wish is so soothing and sweet for me just wish I could.

Tulips waiting for spring

2006-03-30T21:56:00.000+03:30

Endless,Endless questions

2006-03-30T21:43:00.000+03:30

Spring days,I can just describe them wonderful,but I know it is so humble conveying the beauty and freshness of the air,and the azure,cloudy,and immense sky.The sun shines softly,birds sing happily,trees dance by the whispering wind,and The music of the earth can be heard easily.Why people are so blind towards such beauties?I have always wondered why the most sweet and pure things,generously around us are so cruely ignored?There are so many dear forgotten things,how can we review them again?How can people live without them?What's on their mind?What's on their heart?
Endless,endless questions,isn't there really an answer to them?Centuries of philosophy,science and arts seem useless,when these things busy my mind,and I can't help feeling so sorry and lost,being unable to find an answer.Who is there to tell me why people are living in this way?

Paradise lost

2006-03-29T23:37:00.000+03:30

The lyng truth

2006-03-29T23:03:00.000+03:30

Today,the rainy spring day,the day of silence and the symphony of rain drops,the day of crying cloudes and azure sky.Still I feel sad,still I am bored,still I have the desire to set up,to an unknown road,where there would be no one.I don't know where is this dream land,or how it is,but this sweet temptation will not give me alone.I am fed up with these liar people,I am tired of there ill tempered behavior,I just want to leave,to any where,but now here,in this cruel world,with such people.There must be a new world created and new human.This is my belife,as I am loosing all my faith to human purity.It is not that much strange as I see how they betray,as I see their endless lies,as I see trataitors.What can I do,I can't stand it and I can't do some thing to change it.This endless challenge will never leaves it's shadow on me.Why people are like this?Purity is a forgotten story,vertue is only reachable on the myths,and truth is becoming a lie in this world.

The silence of a traditional house

2006-03-28T22:59:00.000+03:30

The dome and the sky

2006-03-28T22:56:00.000+03:30

Zoroasterian sign

2006-03-28T22:48:00.000+03:30

the door of a traditional house

2006-03-28T22:47:00.000+03:30

Jame mosque

2006-03-28T22:46:00.000+03:30

Amir chakhmaque mosque

2006-03-28T22:43:00.000+03:30

The allyes

2006-03-28T22:40:00.000+03:30

the tails of the mosque

2006-03-28T22:35:00.000+03:30

zoroasterian fire temple

2006-03-28T22:30:00.000+03:30

The magical sunset in yazd

2006-03-28T22:27:00.000+03:30

The tower wind

2006-03-28T22:24:00.000+03:30

Back to my room again

2006-03-28T16:43:00.000+03:30

I am back to my room again,I am back to Tehran as I've been out for a week,I've been in yazd.One of the most ancient cities in the world.The city which was born with myths,grown up with history,and became rich by the culture.It was fascinating,wonderful,and beautiful.I can't ever describe the sweet powerful magic which spelled me so softly that all my best memories would refer there,all my pride,my dignity,my love to my country and culture.How can I express such feeling,as the words are so unable to convey what is in my heart?
But,why now that I am back,so happy and delighted firs, feel so sad again?Why I feel all the familiar things which I knew are so strange to me?Why I feel this rainy sky is crying with all it's soul?I don't know,there is something very sad here,I can't find what it is,but anything it is,really makes me feel gloomy.The drops of the rain are faling softly on the silent houses,the trees green and happy singing as the rain washes their young and new leaves,the birds are fling,and spring is every where.
It is so contradicted,I feel both changed and unchanged,I can't get to know what I want and what I am looking for.As I still see people lie,as I see how world can be cruel to people,as I see I am despaired .Yes,I now I think that I have the courage to admit that I am disappointed of every one and every thing.There are many things on my mind,and many storms on heart,I feel so weary,weary to my bones,weary from this endless,useless days,I can't see any chance to change this world,this people,and even my own self.
I know there is still hope,but why is it so hard to belive in it?

Singing waterfall

2006-03-21T00:19:00.000+03:30

Spring is here

2006-03-21T00:10:00.000+03:30

Another year has passed and I'm entering my 21th spring.The blooms are dancing happily with cool spring breeze and wellcome the old world's another birth.
We,Iranian have very special symbolic traditions,which I really love.We put special things called 7"S".We put things which start with "S" in our own language and have a symbolic meaning,such as apple which means the purity and youth,mirror for the honesty,small golden fishes for movement and life,candle for brightness and luminosity,coins in order to wish prosperity,meadow for the freshness, and many other things.
The 7"S"is the heritage of my ancestors,these traditions are our identity and pride.I can't help admitting that I do admire Iranian traditions as they are full of meaning,full of the sprite of life and a great connection with the universe pulse and I'm so happy and proud of my identity and ancient meaningful traditions.

the nature

2006-03-21T00:00:00.000+03:30

Spring gift

2006-03-20T23:51:00.000+03:30

Tomorrow night

2006-03-20T01:33:00.000+03:30

Tomorrow night,when the old world will renew and become young and fresh again.Tomorrow night,when spring will over come the old winter,when the cold,dead,and unfamiliar season will leave.The trees will start singing the most welcomed song of spring,and the birds will fly in the happy,smiling,and blue of sky.I know,believe,and dream them all,and just wish I could find my peace again,but now I've got some thing very nice and soothing,that God really loves me.I have really touched it,really felt and believed it.
I don't know what else I shall say.In spite of all these sadness and gloomies on my life,I am still alive,and still there are many chances left for me on the future before me.Tomorrow night is when...

Loosing words

2006-03-15T21:33:00.000+03:30

I am so bored,so much.I hardly find words to write and use.It seems there is some thing on me,some thing,like a sticky shadow,which never leaves me alone.How this waste universe seems boring to me?Why?Every thing seems old and gloomy to meow hate to feel so,let me stop writ's,I don't feel good tonight.

Why life is so cruel to some people?

2006-03-14T22:21:00.000+03:30

Shall I be selfish?Shall I ignore peoples' bad points and keep doing what I want?I don't know,maybe it is true that my mind is so unchangeable,but this is not what I want to be in life.What does life mean?How can we live?I can't stop thinking about all these things,I can't be as ignorant as other people are,I can't,I know,I am stubborn,God,why shall I be like that?Every one has it's own characteristics,but why are they so unchanged on me?
I am sad,I feel so sad when I hear defeats and sorrowful happenings in people's lives.I have always wanted the best for them,I have always prayed for them,but now...I can't express my sadness,no,now I know that I can't ignore people's troubles,I can never do it.I can't act agaist what is on my nature.Although I know that it is possible,but I would hate my self,if I do such thing.I'll have my own life,but it would not be far and regardless to others.I know I can't donate every one peace,but I'll do my best.God!I can't express my sorrow,I am really shocked and upset.How could it happen,while I had so much prayed?Why life must be so cruel,dark,and hard for some people?How can it plunder such joy and youthfulness?WHY?I wish I could do some thing,I wish I could help in some way,How can I?I can't live apart these people.Now I am sure about it.

The shadow of paradise

2006-03-14T00:06:00.000+03:30

Still hesitated

2006-03-13T22:21:00.000+03:30

Still I am thinking about my plan,and still I could not reach a firm decisio.I really can't stand the situation of not knowing what to do and what to think.The feeling is horrible,awesome,and annoying for me.The year is coming to it's end,I shall make my decision before the year ends,but how?I really need the change and if I do what is on my mind,I'm not sure if I could go on like that or not.I don't know whether I could tolerate my new way or not,hesitation,hesitation,hesitation.I don't know when I would be released of this suffering shadow,I'm so troubled by all these feelings and need to change,but I don't know how!!!Doesn't it seem ridiculous?I don't know,I feel gloomy and confused,and this makes me so sad,why shall I always struggle with such contradicted feelings?I'm getting so tired of this endless dilemma,I need peace,but how can I gain it?How can I find the joy of life?Sometimes I really wonder whether I am really alive or not.That old pleasing passion of life has left me,how can I bring it back?How sad I feel now.I shall change,I know,I believe,but how?All these questions,never leave me,they are becoming one part of me,but WHY?

Growth

2006-03-12T22:57:00.000+03:30

Desire of an exploration

2006-03-12T22:32:00.000+03:30

I am deciding and trying to find a way.I need to change my life,I need to do some thing new,go on my own way,and reconsider every thing,but still I don't know what to do!I have this strong desire,but I don't know how to start this journey.I know I might be stubborn,but this time I shall change,I don't know if it would be a mistake to set up without knowing the destination,but what can I do,when the road calls me and my feet are restless.I can't ignore the spell of visiting new lands,exploring real life,and start breathing again.How can I stand still,while this passion is so strong on me?I shall set up,I shall leave where I am and meet new things.I admit that it's a little scaring for me.Leaving where I've always been,feeling safe and secure and worries me a little,but I shall gather all my courage and keep in mind that a true explorer will never be scared of difficulties and upcoming dangers.I shall remember""Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can fly."

Decesion to set up

2006-03-11T22:10:00.000+03:30

I became to believe I shall start my own great adventure.I shall set up and find my own way in life.After so many years studing philosophiy,after comming across with contradicted ideas,so much efforts,gaining another vision to see things,I shall start my own journey.I shall contribute my own experience of life.Today,I was thinking maybe all these years was not a REALL life,but a shadow of it,this is making me feeling more urgent to .Now I feel I've been very selfish,I don't know why I think so as I always wanted people happiness even if it was worthing by my own sorrows.I don't know why all of these things must happen?Some times I feel I shall leave people to protect them against myself.Sometimes I can't help feeling that if I can't help this people I shall punish myself.I don't know why I think so,or why it is so strong on me?I shall st up,I shall take my siutcase in my hand,I shall wear my shoes,and strat the road,unknown,lost in the mist,but I shall not give up.World,the great and mysteroius,is a strange place to lie.there are many things one shall consider,there are many feelings one shall tasete.God,help me,I really don't know what to do,I am confused.I need a sign,otherwise I would be lost.

The puity of a flower

2006-03-10T20:36:00.000+03:30

Spring coming

2006-03-10T19:54:00.000+03:30

March is bringing glad tidings of spring arrival.The immense sky,sometimes smiles brightly with the sun,and some times chokes with the azul clouds.The spring,cool beeze,the trees raising their hands towarsd the sky,in order to hug it with all their soul are the most fascinating vision one could ever imagine.I can see how they show their new,geen,and innocents blooms.I can see the birds readying them selves to sing in the gardens.Soon the shadow of heavens will be on the earth again,and the old,sleeping world will be renewed and young and the music of the earth would be heard by every one.Spring has a magic in its self,I don't know what are those magical words,which removes the dead winter,and reviews the life.Just if we could know that,we would let spring spell us and refresh us again.

The way most people are

2006-03-07T21:24:00.000+03:30

Days:this word is making me some how mad.I'm getting to hate this word,I don't know why."Hate",this is not a nice word for me,and I really don't like and avoid,but this time,I really feel satisfied using it,because this is what I truly feel about it.I don't care now whether it is rude,or not,I feel gloomy again,and again it's because of people and their behavior.I really feel so sad and gloomy when I see they betray each other,when they lie,and what is this lie for?Have they ever think if it worth's or not?I can't get them,really.It seems that their whole life is a great lie,becoming grown up day after day.Or they put their life based on it,but why do they such thing?Don't they ever feel this may not be the true way in their lives?Don't they ever came to the desire of changing it?I feel they are so tolerant that they can still stand this life,but perhaps it shall not be called tolerance,maybe they are happy to be like that;liars,traitors,criminals...

An angel's peaceful moment

2006-03-07T00:50:00.000+03:30