Search to peace

Maybe I am being punished because I don’t have faith any more. Am I deserved being called a disbeliever? Faith and hope were switched together for me, and as soon as I lost hope and passion of life, I lost faith too. I feel all lost, lost within people, faces, friends, family, and even my self. Could I be saved? Could I be brought back salvation? It’s so hard, so cruel, and so unbearable to feel you’re completely stranger to familiar things. It seems I’m all blind to see the light, and even I blame my self doing so. I believe I courage my self being lost in the dark endless land of distress. God, how can I be back? You hear my soul crying for deliverance.
Why don’t you call and save me?

Candle in the wind

Shall I accept my failure? Shall I confess breaking into my self? Maybe the time has come. I removed people whom I though would be the enemy and after it was all clear I got that the greatest enemy of mine was my own self. I expected some thing which I could not handle; shall I say I was deceived with my dreams? All my life was and endless effort to be like the people whom I admire and now I came to loose my own self. I saw my fall into my self, such bitter and unforgettable moment it was. And now I’m just trying to ignore the simple truth, ignore what I am; nothing! I do not belong any one, any where, and even my own self. And soon I’ll pass away quietly knowing I could not add an impressive verse as I always wished to, I could not suck out the marrow of life. And I came going out like a candle in the wind.

Deliverance

My heart is all crying for a leader, the survivor to save the world. Maybe then I can gain the peace at least out side my self. My heart cries madly for deliverance. Darkness has overcome me; I am banished to the lands of shadows. It seems as if I’m deprived of light. Dear Lord, if being hopeless and distress is a sin I am a great sinner. All day wondering why it happened to me? How could I loose the salvation track, how could I be lost?
And now I’ve come to my dead end. I feel as if I’m still only on the half way my punishment? How could it happen to me and all I used to be? How could all my colorful dreams and golden hopes be destroyed on the flames of distress? What was my sin? Where did I make the mistake? Where’s the way back to be forgiven by you? Don’t let me down; I need a miracle, a lightening in this dark dark night.