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It's a long time I had abundant my blog.I did not wanted to say any thing,as I did not want to think about any thing,but I can't help it.Every morning I get up and ask who I really am.Yet, I have no answer for this stubborn question.I know no way to scape,I have to face. Have I lost my self,or I am lost within my self.How can it be recognized and which one is worst?
It's a question every one has to face it in life.And I just wonder how long will it take to come out of darkness and find the truth?
How can we reach the plain truth of our life,our existence,and our world.
Another day passed.The same sun was shining,The same sky was looking at me,and nothing had changed.But is life still?Is universe dull?No,there's so much life there,so many miracles happen,so many love be given,and light to be shared.So again shall I still neglect the dark place I am prisoned?No,I can't,as it is totally impossible for me who love light,admire luminicity,adore growth,then how could I make myself so still and blind?It was the unforgiving miskate of my life.
Tonight the sky will be full of shooting stars,100 per hour.The night sky is celebrating bright wonderful magical moments.Yet I shall still regret.I just wish I could taste life.I just wish I could look at the blue immense sky till my last moments of life come.
What's wrong with me?Why Can't I stay happy at least for a day?Why am I so hopeless?Well,maybe because there's nothing to hope for.Heavens!Am I too lost to be saved?
Each night I look at the sky through the window,the silent dark night sky of Tehran's.No bright star,no shining moon.It seems as if the sky is some kind of larger graveyard.How can such imagination be with me?How can the endless land of dreams and inspiration be considered as a graveyard?I'm getting sick No more pretence,I've had enough.
The end has touched me,the bright day of my life is on the last moments of the down.my sunset has come.
It's time to write again.I've had enough tolerance to keep silence,but now I just want to start writing the disheveled writting which comes from my heart.I am sad now,so sad and gloomy,but it does not sooth me saying it at all want to say more,express more,but the humble words are so poor to convey my feelings.The feelings which were kept pure,I dare to say so,because I used to control them so severely,I feel I've done some thing to my self,which will never be approved,some thing which can never be forgiven.I know what I did to my self.I prisoned,banished,and tortured my self by such unbroken loneliness which I kept doing it concisely,I did meant it,but I was wrong.Yet the only power which still approves it stupidly is my pride.Some times I can't help hating myself. All day and night I read,read and read.A chance to change will never be given.And the one who stands against my self.I know,I know I am the great enemy of myself. I just hate myself.
