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Only poetry can sooth me these days.Even music has lost it's power over me,but I can't deny it still.Day after day I get to touch this fact that how isolated I am.I don't care it that much.Even I am happy by that more I fell this deep loneliness,the more I want to keep it.Why loneliness is so undesirable?It's very hard I perfectly know,but...Some times I just can't help feeling it's good!I don't know why.By the way I am used to it,and I will keep it till I get some one who worths abandoning it.Maybe some think me crazy,but I prefer this madness than all intellectualities.
My nights were as bright as my days,
But...
I don't know what happened.
How Darkness overcame,
Even on my days.
I can't describe how sad I am now.It seems as if all the clouds of the world are crying within me.I missed for something which I don't remember what it is.I forgot it,and removed it from my heart and now I miss it.Nothing would break my isolation,days are just passing and I'm just watching it go.I have no hope,and enough stubborn to prefer isolation rather staying with those who don't understand me.What's the share of me in life?I'm a shadow,a faked imitation of a living creature.Who am I really?What am I doing here?I wish these questions could be answered.I'm all confused and hopeless.
What is this forgotten missed feeling?
Where has my heart gone?Once I wanted to know many things,to live deeply and differently.I prisoned my self in an endless isolation.I did not care any one,I did not trust any one,just what I wanted to be,and now...now that I feel I got what I wanted,this loneliness hurts me more than ever.I did stole my heart and put ice instead of it.How regretful I am now.I lost the peace within me,and day after day,I am more distressed.Where's the way back to life?Where's the way back to hope?Where's the way back to light.I feel I've lost the way as soon as I lost my heart.
I made all that delighting childhood innocence remove from me,to be matured in analyzing and getting to know this world.It was the big mistake of my life was wrong,I was mistaken,but I got it,when it was so late,so late.
Well,the time has come for me to confess my intention to stay such hopeless.There is no thing for me in this world.I have no hope,no love,and no motivation.What am I living for?No thing!Maybe I am good at listening to people,helping them,and doing my best to make them feel better,but what have I done to help my own self?The answer is just as before,Nothing.
I don't know WHY I shall continue living in this way.I hate my life.There is no thing for me.Sometimes I just feel as a ghost.What a difference does it makes if I do not stay in this world.I don't think it would be that much unimaginable.People just say they love me,but I don't think they do really.Every one is just thinking to him self,how long shall I still be here,while there is NOTHING for me to go on with.
I'm hopeless,but no one will beleive.
My life is just an empty land.
Summer nights breeze is very strange.After a hot day,when the evening falls,and the day light fades,I feel there's a strang thing on the air.It's as if a voice is calling me,asking what I did all day long.It seems there's some untold magic on those moments.How can I describe it?How can the joy of seeing swallows flying freely in the immense sky be convayed by the words?
I wish I were them,then I would leave all the burdens on the earth.I wish I could,what a fascinating wish it is.Summer sunsets awake all these feelings in me.
I am alive,still breathing,and looking for a reason to fight.The more I think,the less I can say my days are the same,or my feelings have very subtle,but undesired ones.Today I was thinking what if I go on with out any motivation.Is it really possible?
I have seen all hopes faded,all dreams converted to nightmares,and all lies hidden within kind faces of people.There is nothing I can trust,but God.But some times I can't help stop feeling that I'm losing His path,and what will happen then?
I'm lost in despair and confusion.Where is the way back to that peaceful lands of childhood innocence?
Why I left there?Some times I really regret my desire of exploring this world,and my long useless request of searching for the truth.The world of philosophy gave me nothing but confusion and uneasiness.
I don't know what else I can say.Nothing is changed within me,the same days,night,and nightmares.The only change is that I'm getting more unmotivated and sad day by day.There is no way back,and going on this sorrowful days is so painful.No one is close to me,all even the most nearest ones are so distant.No one gets what I say,what I respect and value,what I'm looking for.
That's the greatest shock to see that in the middle of such crowd,no one understands you and those rare ones who can,are so so far.How painful is feeling lonly within people.How hard it is to smile,when you are crying inside.The mask I'm wearing hurts me.
I have no motivation to go on,nothing to fight,and no light to search for.These are the most painful days one can ever have.All I feel is the pity of my faded youth.
Good or bad,days are just passing.Happy or unhappy I'm just getting by.What else can I do?I try new things,but not new people,I go out new places,but still so isolated.I keep this unbroken isolation.Some times I feel so happy when I see how time flys.There are rare things to make me feel alive."Life is not measured the by number of breaths we take, but by moments that take our breath away".
So am I living now?What is the wisdom every one applies me?What does it mean to me?And how is the real wise man?The time of asking such questions is over.No one cares any more and it never makes sense that once upon a time,there were people who lived faithful and sincere.Who were sucking out all the marrow of life,those who were the children of nature and universe and their values and belifes were the real meaning of life.
It's all forgotten now,and also the people who still believe in them are being forgotten too.I will keep believing the things,though no onewould.
It's raining now.I can hear the tunders.I wish it would refresh my heart and soal too.
"Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life."
It was the quotation I came across with it today.I found the meaning so fascinating,but what about me in this case?As I've lost all my motivations,seen all my dreams fading,and all stars falling.I have seen how life can be cruel,and how truth may be converted to great lies.Everything is possible in such world,the beauty and the beast may live together.The shadows have overcomed lights.How can such world be imagined as a fair place while we FIGHT to get PEACE?The values are changed without any care by the rest of the world.Virtue is getting to sound reticules,the purity is old_fashioned.The promised utopia never exists.
How can humen stay here?What's the shape of us?
