wasted life

Days and nights are all spent waiting for a light of happiness and get nothing seems all the joy and delight has left me,and will never be back miss it so much,but can not do any thing are the sweet moments I passed?The nostalgia will be with me all of my life now after such loss,I feel as if it would never be gained again. I'm tired of these people around me,those who never understand me,my feelings,and thoughts wish it could all be removed from me spring day memory is gone,but the shadow is still with me,the shadow which always compare things with it and feel extremely unsatisfied help me,I can't stand living like this. The nightmare is my progressing discuss of life.I feel I wasted all my life.

confusion

Days are just passing.I often listen to music to suppress my thoughts.Days passing,hoping for a miracle,but I'm not just waiting a miracle happen to me,but me happen as a miracle in others life.Is it possible?And how can a person like me,most sad and gloomy help other people?How can I add new things and contribute new meanings to this wonderful universe?
There is an untold pain in my chaste. I can't remove it.It's just as if it's been there for years and never wants to leave it's home land.I don't know what to say and all these long days of my silence I was struggling with depression,nostalgia,and impatience.I know I can't go on like this,being a half alive person pretending a happy hilarious one.I'm so weary of such an old ling show.
What is life in my eyes?An endless confusion,intolerable cruelty and a dream full of nightmares.How can there be any hope,in such society?
Maybe I am so ungrateful of the affluences I am given.I don't wanna be,but I don't know why I feel like this?!Confusion,confusion,confusion,I will never get rid of this fatal confusion.

The bad news

It's almost a week since I have not written any thing here.Maybe it is getting so common saying it was because of my irritability.I don't know maybe it is,but why shall all these things happen?My aunt is ill,it's suspicious to be cancer.Heavens how can I stand such thing while there has always been 2 beloved people in my whole life.My two aunts who has always light up my nature and sprit. And now one is really ill.How can I bear it?How can I tolerate her ill and I healthy?It's all wrong.God,how hard and cruel this world seems.
I had a nice day at book fair,where I bought many books,got them as my very close friends and then when I interred home,happily after a long time,I received such news.
It's so hard,so hard .How can I go on like this?

The end

What a diference did I make in the world?What new things did I contribute?I feel I've done nothing,and that's why I feel so sad.Heavens how gloomy I feel.The very valuable things seem cheap for me.The shining spring out doors makes me more uneasy.It's just I am a complete stranger to the season and it's marvelous days.There is nothing for me.All the passion of life has left me,all the joys are gone,and I am here alone,and intended to be,standing and waching the cruel world passing till my end.End,such nice and sweet word is getting for me.The end of every thing,end of life,end of thoughts,end of this sorrowful unendless moments.There is nothing behind and before.I can't stand all these lies,I can't stand such betrayes,I can't stand such people.I just want to leave them,but why is it so hard for them to understand?

My nights

My nights are getting worse and worse.Their unbroken silence makes me mad,and the restless thoughts on my mind never stop.I'm so worried about my university situation.I have not attended my classes and I've been omitted of them.This is not what I'm allowed to do and I'm getting so worried about it,but this is not what harms me.Day after day I get more tired,and gloomy.It seems that every thing has lost its value for me.I'm losing every thing,and don't care.How hard are these days for me,when I just have to breath,but without any joy or delight of being alive.Maybe I'm acting ungratefully,if so I can't help it.There is nothing in my life worth's fighting for.This great wonderful world seems empty for me.That's not what I can stand.

Cruel spring days

It's been a long time I have not written any thing here.These boring long days brought nothing for me.All the days long,I was wondering why I was born or why I'm still here.What happiness and brightness haveI donated,but found nothing.There was no satisfying answer.This great wonderful world,these pleasant spring days has no pleasure for me,but always remind me my grand mama died in one of them.Cruel days.How can they be in such way?
I feel ashamed of my self too.I'm forgetting her loss,I'm ignoring her absence.Can it be possible?Still I don't want to think about her death.If I go on thinking about it,I will go mad.How can I get used to such thing?