What has gone?

It seems that all the senses of happiness is sucked out of me.Darkness will kill me,Heavens how hard and suffering is standing such situation!It seems the end for me,as all the doors are closed to me,but the end of what?Nothing has changed in my life,every day things are the very similar as were before,unless me reading some new books,and being exposed some new panoramic this change so big I shall call it a change which makes me feel so sad?Of course not,so what is it?I don't know evil unknown feelings crawls slowly towards me.Snears at all my efforts,all my studies,and destroys all the valuable things I felt so respect for before just don't know how far I can go on like this.Always always I wonder what is lost for me that all my hopes and wishes are gone with it.