Decesion to set up

I became to believe I shall start my own great adventure.I shall set up and find my own way in life.After so many years studing philosophiy,after comming across with contradicted ideas,so much efforts,gaining another vision to see things,I shall start my own journey.I shall contribute my own experience of life.Today,I was thinking maybe all these years was not a REALL life,but a shadow of it,this is making me feeling more urgent to .Now I feel I've been very selfish,I don't know why I think so as I always wanted people happiness even if it was worthing by my own sorrows.I don't know why all of these things must happen?Some times I feel I shall leave people to protect them against myself.Sometimes I can't help feeling that if I can't help this people I shall punish myself.I don't know why I think so,or why it is so strong on me?I shall st up,I shall take my siutcase in my hand,I shall wear my shoes,and strat the road,unknown,lost in the mist,but I shall not give up.World,the great and mysteroius,is a strange place to lie.there are many things one shall consider,there are many feelings one shall tasete.God,help me,I really don't know what to do,I am confused.I need a sign,otherwise I would be lost.