Back to my room again

I am back to my room again,I am back to Tehran as I've been out for a week,I've been in yazd.One of the most ancient cities in the world.The city which was born with myths,grown up with history,and became rich by the culture.It was fascinating,wonderful,and beautiful.I can't ever describe the sweet powerful magic which spelled me so softly that all my best memories would refer there,all my pride,my dignity,my love to my country and culture.How can I express such feeling,as the words are so unable to convey what is in my heart?
But,why now that I am back,so happy and delighted firs, feel so sad again?Why I feel all the familiar things which I knew are so strange to me?Why I feel this rainy sky is crying with all it's soul?I don't know,there is something very sad here,I can't find what it is,but anything it is,really makes me feel gloomy.The drops of the rain are faling softly on the silent houses,the trees green and happy singing as the rain washes their young and new leaves,the birds are fling,and spring is every where.
It is so contradicted,I feel both changed and unchanged,I can't get to know what I want and what I am looking for.As I still see people lie,as I see how world can be cruel to people,as I see I am despaired .Yes,I now I think that I have the courage to admit that I am disappointed of every one and every thing.There are many things on my mind,and many storms on heart,I feel so weary,weary to my bones,weary from this endless,useless days,I can't see any chance to change this world,this people,and even my own self.
I know there is still hope,but why is it so hard to belive in it?