The sweetness of life

  

Free from hesitation

Day after day,I'm getting more busy.The university classes has started and I have many interesting and boring stuff to study.It was all I had in my mind when I started writting this new post.
There are many things happening,and again I came to believe the fact that time passing is the best way to show what is real and what is fake I am free of that suffering hesitation,which once was so over on me.The storm is passing,and I'm getting to find my peace again.I know I will be sad and feel lonely again,but it would be OK, it is one part of my path,I'm getting to coming across with them.Some of those feelings would be remain in me,and will be there until the time comes to say good bye to them.Now life seems more enjoyable,I have an experience and I will use it in my way.Maybe I'll feel sad about it,but life still exists and I'm so happy that finally I knew my way.It was a wrong story from the very beginning,I shall fight with remaining things which are still in me then I would dare to say I'm completely free.I prefer my world best,it is all I can say.

Winter sun in trees

  

Waiting for a sign

The winter is leaving and I feel all my feelings would be unchanged even when the spring comes.I don't want to be so bitter and frozen,but it's so hard to act differently. I never wanted to pretend to anything,but it seems that I shall reconsider about this thing, I don't want to do it,but some people keep telling me that my ideas and mind is old-fashioned,and needs to change,but still,I don't want to leave all the ideas I thought about and believed in.I need another out seeing vision to see myself again,and correct my faults,but it's a very hard thing.
On the other hand it makes me mad if I need change and I don't get it's nesecity.I'm really confused,about every thing,and I know I've hurt some people,this is the most intolerable thing which I can't truly stand."What's the right way?",I cry all the day and the night,but there is no answer don't know why there is no sign to lead me to the truth.
Many things happen in evevry one's life do we manage them?How do we pass these horrible crages?What a dangerous story life is.

Nameless vision

  

Broken flower

  

My living hell

I feel sad and exhausted again the very beginning of the university classes I always have such feelings gloomy,disappointed and unhappy,because they all remember me that I have nothing to fight for,I have no really motivation to continue this war.How can I release my self of such feeling?Day after day,I feel more isolated and alone.I'm gettig to know and touch that there is no really relation between me and the light.I am completely a stranger with happiness.I just wish some one would tell me what was the purpose of my creation?I believe this is every one's question,but have the people found the answer?Who is to answer it with certain confident?
My life is converting into a live hell,I've lost all my peace,and joy of life,all the passion of living.I'm just spending my time with books,thoughts which are not related to my everyday life,which are so suffering,because they make me more stranger to this crazy world can I save my self?
I wish I could come back and be the old girl I used to be,the one who enjoyed living,and was so amazed by the immense universe.What's the way?I have lost all my maps.

The hunter

  

Having nothing to say

It's so strange,the more I know about myself,the more I become confused,but is it possible that one both knows and doesn't know herself?Today I was just listening to music,and I recognized a really improved mood by this .I don't know,why I shall still continue my conflict?Tomorrow would be a very hard and tiring day can I manage all these?
It seems that I have nothing more to say,so I'd better stop beating around the bush.That's enough for tonight.

vermeer_balance

  

vermeer_wtrpitcher

  

Unanswered questions

I really need to stop my self,I must resist some of my wishes,I shall fight with them,but is it really necessary?To deprive myself from the things which once I loved so much is a very hard thing.Good God,what's wrong in me?I can't belive in my self any more,it seems that every thing is collapsing ,and many things are changing in me.I don't know what are they or why it's happening,but it IS taking place in me.I can't stand it any more,I can't stay on the edge of the limbo,I need to gain my peace again,but how can I?What's the true way I shall enter?
These unanswered questions never leave me alone.How can I get ride of them,and put them asaid for ever?It's the time that and end be put on this confusion,but how can such thing happen?

Thunder tinkling

What can I say about my self?It's as if all the words scape my mind,and I have nothing to write about are many things in my mind,so bitter and undesirable,so sad and gloomy,but they can't be expressed by words.How is it possible to explain the feeling which cause the eyes fill with tears?Or feeling hard to breath?The words could never contain the emotions,as the dreams could not be touched,or the hearts be heard.
Now,I can hear the thunder,and the flash in the sky,and after a few seconds the showers will begin.I wish I could go out,in the rain and without the an umbrella.Maybe I could feel free again,then I would be released of all tension and sadness.The glasses of the are trembling with the fear of the thunder ,the angry sound is tinkling in my room.I know it is the sign of spring coming,and I just wish the spring occurs in my heart to.

 
 

 
 

Another birth

Today,was another day of winter,but it smelled just like spring days.The immense cloudy sky,the trees ready to grow green again,and the birds,happy and beautiful,were practicing their best songs to welcome the new and dear guest of the year,the sweet spring.The world is prepairing for another birth,and it seems as if it's the first one after so many years of pray and wait.The world,amazing and fantastic,never never stops renewing,and teaches us to forget bad things,unexpected events,sad times,as it always tell us there is always a spring,young and beautiful,after the long cold winter need to keep hope,we are not created for sorrow and despair.I just need to keep in my mind that there is always a tomorrow before me,calling for another exploration in this universe.

 
 

 
 

 
 

The wish

I could never stop the feelings inside of me as I could never get to know my self .I'm getting to lost all my words,all my confidence about the correctness of my ideas.I just feel that every thing around me is collapsing,and I've lost all control over things.I'm becoming so bitter,in a way I never used to be,I don't know,I just want to leave every thing,my feelings are unchanged and I still think that I can't go on living like this.To have nothing to fight for,no real motivation,and I see that I'm fighting hardly,but for what?I can not find the answer.Here,in the limbo where I'm presented,and condemned in,I'm deprived of the happiness and peace.I want to leave here,I want to be free again,as a new born child,I want to taste water again,I want ot touch the old breeze of spring on my face,feel released,and grateful of having a full life.By days smiling in sunshine,with dreams of pure sky,immense happiness.Dear God,what a perfect life it could be.My Lord,what would happen if we could reach our wishes?

 
 

The sweat dream

The days are passing in a strange feeling.I know they are the passionate,pure days of youthfulness,but some times,in spite of my happiness and delight,I can't help feeling that I'm so despaired.I don't know what happens in me,but I just feel that all my energy and hope is being sucked out of my body,and nature.How is it possible that one both feels happiness and sorrow?Sometimes I just feel as if I want to leave everything behind of me,and start a journey with no specific destination to pass every thing,see people,know their story,but never never approach them be with them,to be alone the whole life,to smell the meadows,taste the freedom of the wind,touch the freshness of the frost,to breath as each breath of mine is the first wish I could be born again every day,I wish I could sing like the birds, spread warmness,and peace like the sun,and calmness,like the moon,and dream like the shooting star's I just come to dream about them again,I really really wish I could stop living here,and leave all the people I know,and start exploring the new,immense lands of being amazed by the fascinating universe know it's only a dream,but I do wish that it could come true.

 
 

 
 

Confusion

There are things which I really really need to fight with.I can not and must not give up,but I don't know what prevents me.I don't know what is this spell, what shall I do,or what's the true way.It seems that I will still stay in this hell of junction and there would be no sign to lead me.But why?I can't stand it any more,as I could never wait for some thing happening,I would rather go and welcome it,but not sit still and wait for, I would rather go towers the heart of the storm than startle,froze, and do nothing.So how can I bear this situation,when I can't do nothing,and just need time to pass,as it's the onliest thing that would reveal things as they are.But I'm sure I can't go on like this or I'll go mad.It is some thing which may probably happen,I can't go on fighting myself like that,helpless,and every thing pushes me toward the whirpool I'm trying to run away.I don't know why it's not going to end if there is no way to continue,and if there is why can't I believe it?
It seems that this endless nightmare doesn't wish to stop bothering me.

Feelings inside of me

There are many feelings in me,some of them are completely different from another,make me wonder how these many contrition feelings can gather in a simple human. Some times I wonder how can I tolerate the endless conflict between them could never know myself,or understand my reactions always believed that simplicity is the absolute of complications don't know why I believed so,or how I can prove it,but it is only a belief in me,and the more I tried to support it with a proof,the less I succeeded what shall I do with this unpredictable girl inside of me?
There are many things I wish to say,about how I adore the fascinating feast of different colors in the sky,or the soft song of a golden leave of a tree when falling under a passengers foot the harmony of the nature,the magical sense of springs coming,and many things which are just feelings which can't be translated into the words,because they are not tangible,they can't be told,they just need to be understood by heart,by the soul,not the eye truly thank God,The One who gave me all these,and helped me to see these things,as the only thing which suits me so much is that if I be the loneliest in the world,He is with me and His presence fulfills all absentees.

The dream of peace

 
 

the poeple

I really can't get why some people are so jealous and why they envy others.I know that envy is the sign of abjectness of soul,but if one feels so rich and strong in its self,all these feelings would be removed quickly. people are looking for things that do not really benefits them,in this world of contradictions many things can be found,the group of people who are seeking for the truth,those who Marty and are happy to loose their life on the God's path,those who are against the rights,and only think about themselves.I really wish people would know what is good for them,could gain another visoin to life,and could find that the world is created for beauties and peace,not the place of crimes,extoration,and enemity.

 
 

 
 

Being 21.

At least I got 21 years old.The age which I was looking for so much,like children's passionate waiting for the candies of the new year there is some thing happened in me,that my feelings that once were the most close and kind to me,are far and untranslatable.I can't feel or recognize them any more.It seems as if we are two unfamiliar different things.I don't know what's happened in me,some thing is changed,some thing has left me,and I can feel it's empty place.I wish I could bring it back,or at least find it's shadow,any thing which has an address of it.I don't know what's wrong with this people,in this society.Every one just thinks about it's own advantages,the values which once were respected by life are being forgotten,the myths,the root's,the old dear things.I don't know what to say more,there are many things,wish to be said,and conveyed,many ideas need to be shared,but when the time comes,they all get silent and still,the wild flood stops suddenly and leaves me shocked and helpless,what can be done to them?

The life and the death.

Death is always the most mysterious riddle,men has ever faced with.I don't know why it seems so dark and so unknown,maybe because no one has never measured it,or had the experience and comes back to us and tell about it.Today I touched it's fear so near to me,and then felt it's coldness and the dark shadow above all faces.I know death is not the end of us,I know it's not a really DEATH,but the beginning of a new life,so why people and also I tremble when we meet it?Maybe because we are used to this world,and are loosing all the beliefs about another world,and that on day we must come to this point that here is just like a firm,and we just prefer for another journey which is the ultimate one.There are many things in my mind,that what a wonderful the other one must be and it also shows us that how living here is short the way this is life,we're living now,and one day we will die .The most important thing for us is to seize the days,and make the life extruding wish every one would reach the goal.

Sunset feelings

The winter days pass silently and without the pretensions uproar of summer.The innocent sunsets come and pass and seem to forgive people whom have forgotten the meaning of life,Those who always look at the ground and around,but not the high,the sky. when the golden,fascinating sunsets come,they all can't see and enjoy how spiritual it is,and how it can heal their sadness,and the magic always spells those who hear the music of the earth.I love the silence of winters' sunsets,it seems that one can find all the mysteries and life questions then,by looking admiringly at the hundred of thousands of variegated clouds,listening to the sound of crows,and forgetting all the problems and difficulties.The effects would be unbelievable,it's as if the soul is getting pure and fresh again.I wish people would understand these small,beautiful things around us,and then when they could follow the pulse of life,peace and joy would be the gift everyone would donate the others.